Dear Haya,
I’m really struggling with confidence and motivation in my life, particularly because of all the social media consumption. I have always been a very ambitious person but have lately become extremely demotivated and disinterested in both my personal and professional life.
During my teenager years as a young guy, I was full of dreams and ambitions about all that I wanted to achieve in my life, but all that has fizzled down as I no longer feel like I would be able to achieve anything. I’m in my mid-20s and not even close to where I wanted to be in terms of my marketing career.
I feel so dejected with everything and there’s so much competition that I just don’t feel good enough to excel in my industry. It’s like I’ve run out of all creativity and spark that I once thought I had when I was fairly new in my professional life. The consumption of social media has really ruined it for me, as there are people who are doing such great work and I feel so left behind in this race.
How do I get my confidence and motivation back in these really competitive times?
— A demotivated guy
Dear demotivated guy,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings so openly. It sounds like you’re grappling with a deep sense of discouragement and self-doubt, questioning your self-worth, especially as you compare where you are now with both your own aspirations and the success you see on social media. This can feel overwhelming.
It is possible to rediscover your confidence and reignite your motivation.
Let’s take a look at how we can explore this further.
I hear you say you were full of dreams and ambitions, but you no longer feel you would be able to achieve anything. Anon, what makes you feel that way? I would get curious about what’s going on within. What you are expressing reflects the relationship you have with yourself. What do you really believe about yourself when you compare yourself to others? What has made you disinterested? What changed? What I’m hearing you tell me is that social media is triggering your self-worth and the relationship you have with yourself. Our triggers are our teachers, and they show us what needs healing within.
Anon, our life is a reflection of the way we feel about ourselves and our belief systems. These experiences and feelings are inviting you to get curious and build the relationship with yourself. Your thoughts and beliefs shape your reality, and when you truly believe you won’t be able to achieve anything, you won’t.
Anon, it can feel deeply disheartening when life doesn’t align with the expectations we set for ourselves by a certain age or when we fall short of the goals we once envisioned. This is a common reality of life — things don’t always unfold as planned. Life is a mix of highs and lows, and what truly matters is how we choose to respond to these shifts in our timeline. I encourage you to allow yourself to acknowledge and process the feelings of disappointment, anger, frustration, or sadness that may arise.
I appreciate your level of self-awareness, where you are aware of the fact that social media is holding you back. Anon, here I would like to point out that social media is an illusion. It is designed to show you the best highlights, “the good side.” Nobody shows you their struggles, failures, or how they’re really feeling within. It is very natural to get caught up in the cycle of social media, and at the same time, it further amplifies existing feelings of inadequacy. Again, I would encourage you to explore those feelings and beliefs further.
Further, I would like to look at all of what we can do.
First and foremost, I would take this as an opportunity to re-audit your life. One of the key components to strengthening, fortifying, and deepening the relationship we have with ourselves and our lives is taking an honest inventory of where we are in our lives and asking ourselves if we are living the life we want to live.
Are you following a path that you wanted 10 years ago? Do you still want it? If yes, great—reconnect with your WHY. If no, even better, because clarity is your best friend!
Human beings are not static creatures. We are constantly changing, growing, and adapting. Maybe the path you set out on 10 years ago involved a different set of values. Maybe you’ve learned a lot about yourself since you made the decisions that set you on your path. Give yourself some grace, meet yourself where you are today, and explore the ways you’ve changed. What parts of your life need to play catch-up to meet the current you? What are your core values and aspirations? Reconnect with your deeper purpose.
The truth is, sometimes we don’t know what we want anymore because we haven’t given ourselves permission to desire or create big goals. We get so caught up in how we’re going to get there that we lose sight of the actual goal. So, write down what you want and why you want it.
Secondly, you ask how to get your confidence and motivation back in these really competitive times. By building a strong, safe, and reliable relationship with yourself. By really getting honest with yourself. You give up the day you decide to give up. Perhaps the creative spark you once had may feel lost, but rather than being extinguished, it could be buried beneath exhaustion, doubt, or an internalized fear of failure. This can signal a disconnection from your authentic self — perhaps life’s pressures have overshadowed the parts of you that felt alive and inspired.
Thirdly, I would encourage you to detox from social media for some time. When something is not adding positive value to our lives and is making us feel a certain way, we need to listen. Cutting down screen time will create mental space for your own ideas. Your creativity isn’t gone; it’s waiting to be nurtured. What would spark your creativity? You would need to find it. Engage in exercises that spark innovation, like brainstorming, experimenting with new tools, or working on a passion project without worrying about perfection.
Fourth, skill-build yourself. Once you’ve figured out what you want to do, enhance your skill set. Stay updated on industry trends without overwhelming yourself. Invest in a course, mentorship, or collaboration that both refreshes your knowledge and connects you with supportive peers.
Fifth, and most importantly, self-compassion. Give yourself grace and compassion as you realign and re-audit your life. You can’t force yourself to change, but you can nurture yourself towards it by taking small baby steps that support your mental health and well-being.
Remember, in this age of social media, it’s easy to get hooked onto perception, to the what-ifs, the coulds, and the woulds. We feel like the grass is greener on the other side, but in fact, the grass is green where you water it. What you give attention to flows.
The only person you need to be comparing yourself to is who you were yesterday, one year ago, five years ago, etc. That is the only true marker of comparison.
And it is normal to feel stuck at times. Remember that your ambitions and creativity are still within you — they’re just waiting to be reignited. By combining self-reflection, working on the relationship with yourself, deliberate action, and self-compassion, you can rediscover your sense of purpose and start carving a path forward, at your own pace.
I really hope this helps.
Haya
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate well-being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organisational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.
Send her your questions to [email protected]
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