Hello Haya,
I get annoyed easily, even when someone makes a joke which is not hurtful. It is also hard for me to get along with people easily because I take my time to be comfortable with people.
Can you please tell me what’s the issue with me and how to overcome it?
Dear reader,
It sounds like you are getting triggered when someone makes a joke.
Your triggers are your teachers.
To identify and heal triggers we need to first understand what they are.
What is a trigger?
A trigger is an unhealed past emotional experience/wound that comes up in the present. Triggers can be internal (thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations) or external (sights, sounds, smells, situations), and can evoke a range of emotions including fear, anxiety, sadness, or anger.
The level of emotions you experience gives you insight into how long the trigger has been suppressed.
Triggers are our gifts, they show us what needs our attention, what needs to be healed and released, they give us an opportunity to observe and reflect.
It’s not that the triggers are bad, they actually give us an opportunity to observe and reflect which enables us to heal. If this sounds simple, it’s because it is. At the same time, it’s so difficult to practice because we are having a subconscious reaction during an emotional trigger.
Our reaction is literally below our awareness, which is why if another person is involved it can leave them feeling completely confused.
In healing triggers, we change the way we perceive the world around us and our interactions with the people in it. If we can identify triggers and separate ourselves from the emotional reaction, we gain insight.
I would encourage you to get curious on what is getting triggered within you. Get curious about your past experiences and how they have shaped your current reality that could be influencing your current reactions.
You mentioned taking time to get comfortable with people. It sounds like an experience you are unhappy with at the moment. What about getting along with people you find hard mingling with currently? What would you like instead? What would you like your relationships to feel like? How would you require to show up in those relationships?
Our relationships with others reflect the one we have with ourselves. They serve as a mirror to our inner world. What is the current relationship you have with yourself like? What is the language you use with yourself? Is It critical, harsh, or compassionate and kind?
When we work on the relationship we have with ourselves it impacts the relationships we have with others.
Once you start working on the relationship with yourself, you can work on other skills; For example, communication skills, boundaries to further enhance and improve the quality of your relationships.
Remember that change takes time and effort, so be patient with yourself as you navigate this process. With dedication and support, it’s possible to overcome these challenges and develop more fulfilling relationships with yourself and others.
Last but not least, you are the most important project you will ever work on.
Haya
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate well-being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organisational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.
Send her your questions to [email protected]
Note: The advice and opinions above are those of the author and specific to the query. We strongly recommend our readers consult relevant experts or professionals for personalised advice and solutions. The author and Geo.tv do not assume any responsibility for the consequences of actions taken based on the information provided herein. All published pieces are subject to editing to enhance grammar and clarity.
